This is not a rant or a sob story but . . . .

sometimes it seems like every married girl I know is pregnant. Most of my friends have two kids, and some are even on their third. Sometimes I just feel so left behind and out of the loop.

And then there is the guilt I feel when I realize I am glad I'm not pregnant yet. I like working, I like earning money, and most of all I like the self indulgent life I can lead right now.

So I go back and forth between wanting a baby and hoping that I'm not pregnant. I've been like this since I first went off birth control almost a year and a half ago.

Back in October I decided that I would enjoy the life that I get to lead and not wish for other things. I think I was doing a pretty good job at that, but then a few more friends announced that they are pregnant. So for the past few days I've been back to the wishy washy feelings.

Well starting today I'm done with those feelings. I'm back to enjoying the life that I have. And I do have a lot of things to look forward to. Spring is coming so I am starting to plan my window box garden. I've already decorated the house for Valentine's day. And I am super excited for the anniversary trip that Brandon and I are planning. I'm taking a whole week off of work and we are going to southern California. One whole day is going to be spent at Magic Mountain riding some of the best roller coasters in the world. That is something I couldn't do if I was pregnant.