Love Story: Part Four - December

Brandon and I were set up on a blind date at the beginning of September of 2006.  He kissed me three weeks later, but then told me he wasn't interested in a romantic relationship.  We spent all of October getting to know each other as friends.  He kissed me again at the beginning of November.  By the end of the month we were an official couple.  

Brandon knew that I wanted to marry him, but he wasn't ready for that kind of commitment yet.  And neither was I really.  I was content to enjoy life as his girlfriend for a while.  

I'd stopped writing in my journal after our "second first kiss" so I don't have a good record of what we did every day in December.  I did retroactively fill in a calender with important relationship milestones so at least I have something to jog my memory.  

That calender is pretty blank for the first week of December.  I'm sure we spent most of our time doing homework together.  The semester was winding down and there were papers and projects to complete.  

We went to Salt Lake for the weekend and I tagged along to his extended family Christmas Party.  I worried that it would be awkward to be introduced as "Brandon's Girlfriend" but everyone was really nice. 

The next week was finals week.  Every morning Brandon and I met up at his apartment and then walked up the steep hill on 700 North to get to campus.  We'd eat the free breakfast that the LDS institute provided during finals week.  Then we'd split up and go take tests or study.  I also worked a few hours at my job.  At the end of the day we'd meet back up at Brandon's apartment.  

Finals week was always a weird week for me.  On the one hand it was extremely stressful because of all the tests.  But on the other hand it was really fun because the regular class schedule was over.  Aside from worrying about our respective tests, Brandon and I had the most free time we'd had all semester.    

One night we used our new-found free time to try to make pine needle air freshener out of real pine needles.  We chopped up pine needles that we found outside and then boiled them.  Then we strained out the water from the needles using coffee filters that we bought for the project.  Brandon put the water into an old hairspray bottle that he just happened to have.  The spray really did smell like pine needles, but the scent didn't last very long.     

As far as I remember we both passed all of our classes that semester.  I remember the look on Brandon's face when he found out he'd passed his College Algebra class.  It was the only college math class that he passed on the first try.  (Though he'd always get an A on the second - or third - tries.)

At the end of the week we celebrated the end of school by decorating Brandon's apartment for Christmas.  I wanted to buy a Christmas tree, but I didn't want to set it up at my apartment.  I'd asked Brandon if I could set it up at his apartment.  He said yes and bought the lights.  After Christmas when we took the tree down we put the tree in his closet.  I told him, "remember, if we break up it's my tree."  And he said, "well they are my lights."  (And we remind each other of that every year.)

I also bought some sparkly ball shaped ornaments because I'd always wanted to decorate a tree with fancy balls.  As a final touch we cut snow flakes out of the coffee filters.  Decorating a tree together was more than just something fun to do.  In a way it was a symbol of our growing relationship.  We were starting our own holiday traditions.

The Saturday after finals week we went on a date to Ogden Utah.  My brother Billy had a high school symphony concert at Weber State University.  We planned to do things in Ogden during the day and then see the concert that night.  We both knew this was kind of an important day.  We'd spent hours and hours together every day the past week.  If we could make it through an all day date together without getting sick of each other then we'd know that we had a pretty good relationship going.

We started out the day at the Ogden Train Museum.  I've always kind of had a thing for trains.  When I was in high school I'd walk to and from school via an illegal short cut on a train bridge.  I loved the view from the train tracks.  Some days I'd hear the train whistle and so I wouldn't get on the tracks.  I'd watch the powerful train go by from the sidewalk that was about 15 feet below the tracks.  Once I was driving in the evening and I had to stop for a train at another part of the tracks.  It was dark and so the train had it's light on.  I was impressed by that bright light and the big train chugging by right in front of my car.  I couldn't believe how magnificent the train looked.  It made me feel small.    

Brandon didn't know I liked trains, but he knew it was a fun museum.  We played around on the large trains outside the old train station and then we went inside to see the model trains.  I was enchanted by the little model train that chugged it's way through the different displays.  I was like a little kid as I followed the train around.  Brandon thought my enthusiasm was cute.

After we finished up at the museum we drove to a park and ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in Brandon's car.  This was the first of many times we would save money by bringing our dinner from home instead of eating out at a restaurant.

Then we drove over to Weber State University and met up with my parents, my sister Lindsey, and her new boyfriend John.  Lindsey and John had met on the 11th of November.  They'd recently become a couple.  My parents took this picture of the four of us.     

The concert was great (Billy's concerts are always great), but even better was the fact that Brandon and I weren't sick of each other yet.  In fact as we got back in the car to drive back to Logan Brandon thought of something we could do to extend our time in Ogden.  He drove to downtown Ogden and parked the car.  Then we walked to the Christmas Village.  I never even knew about the village.  I was so impressed by all the cute little displays.  Once again I was like a little kid running around and getting excited.

Our relationship had survived a week of constant togetherness and so we continued to spend as much time together as possible.  School was over so all we had to worry about was work.  I worked 20 hours a week as an office assistant and Brandon worked putting together bikes for Smith's MarketPlace.  When we weren't working we'd relax by watching our favorite TV shows on DVD.  I was introducing Brandon to Veronica Mars and he was acquainting me with MacGyver.

On Thursday the 21st, Brandon was in charge of an activity at the church.  We planned to leave for Salt Lake as soon as the activity was over.  Brandon set up a projector and we watched Muppet Christmas Carol.  We turned out to be some of the only people there.  Most everyone else had already skipped town and gone home for the holidays.

We continued to see each other a lot when we were in Salt Lake.  Our parent's homes were only about 15 minutes away from each other so it was easy to get together.  We went Christmas shopping together some days.  Brandon invited me to his family's Christmas Eve party.  I brought my brother Billy and sister Emily along with me.  We had fun playing Christmas songs on the chimes.  Billy impressed everyone by being able to play three chimes and still keep up.

I felt awkward staying the whole time at the "family" party so I left early before the traditional dancing around the Christmas tree.

Brandon and I got together the next day and exchanged gifts.  He'd bought me slippers with rubber soles so I could wear them when he walked me home from his apartment every night.  I bought him a page a day Far Side Calender.

The days after Christmas were spent seeing different things in the Salt Lake area.  One day we went to the Clark Planetarium.  Another day we went to see the lights at Temple Square.  We went to Dee's and ate with Brandon's brother Bryan and his friend Jake.  (Apparently that was their hang out in high school.)

Towards the end of the month we went on a walk at the Jordan Parkway.  We started talking about our thoughts on marriage.  We'd talked about it before, but this time it seemed more serious.  I told Brandon that I'd like to get married in May or June.  He said that he didn't want to get married until September.  I was a little crushed that he still thought we needed to wait 9 more months before getting married.  I remember getting back into his car and wondering if he would ever want to commit to anything.

On New Years Eve we spent the evening watching movies at his parent's house.  After midnight we got into his car to take me home.  Brandon's car had "cancer of the electrical system."  Sometimes it wouldn't start and we'd have to wait 5 minutes before trying to start it again (this was always a great opportunity to makeout.)  The car didn't start and so we sat and talked.  Brandon asked me, "what should our goal be for the New Year?"  I replied with, "to get married."  And he said something like, "we'll see."

Click here to find out what happened next.

Love Story: Part Three - November

I met Brandon at the beginning of September 2006.  By the end of the month we had already had our first kiss followed by our first DTR (Defining The Relationship) talk.  In that talk he told me that he wasn't interested in a relationship, but we could still be friends.  

Brandon made good on that promise and our friendship developed throughout the month of October.  We started at least seeing each other every day.  I could tell that Brandon wanted to kiss me again, but all he did was hold my hand and cuddle with me.  At the end of the month Brandon went to Salt Lake for a visit home.  He didn't call me the whole weekend.  I was afraid that he would come back from that weekend and tell me that he didn't want to spend as much time with me anymore.

I shouldn't have worried.  We hung out again on his first day back in Logan.  Hanging out usually consisted of doing homework at his house, making dinner together, watching a movie (while cuddling), and then walking back to my apartment.  We still had some late nights, but usually I went home around midnight. 

I was pretty certain that I would see Brandon everyday so I didn't feel a need to keep postponing going home each night.  I also stopped inventing reasons to go to his apartment every day.  In the early days of our friendship I'd make sure I left something at his apartment so I'd have a reason to call him up and talk to him again. But now I felt comfortable calling him and saying, "hey, I'm bored can I come over?"

And I was legitimately bored quite often.  I had two roommates who I didn't really click with.  They were both nice, but I didn't relate to them enough to want to hang out with them.  I had some friends who I did hang out with occasionally, but they had jobs, homework, and relationships of their own.  Ultimately Brandon was the only person I wanted to spend time with on a regular basis.  He was, after all, the man I wanted to marry.      

I had been praying to know whether or not it was a good use of my time to keep spending time with Brandon.  The last thing I wanted to do was waste my time on a guy that I shouldn't be with.  One day, while taking a shower, I was thinking about Brandon.  The thought came to my mind, "it's okay to pursue him."  The word pursue was especially fitting since I was the one who usually had to take the initiative and call him up (though he would call me too).  

My plan was to spend time with Brandon and have fun.  I figured that eventually he'd either get sick of me - in which case I'd move on - or he'd realize that he wanted to marry me.  Either way he was such a great guy that I didn't feel I was wasting my time.

Our relationship took a big step forward the evening of November 3rd.  It was a Friday night and as usual I was over at Brandon's apartment.  We made chocolate chip cookies and then watched a movie or two.  After the movies ended I didn't go home.  Instead Brandon and I kept talking and cuddling on his super uncomfortable and misnamed "love seat."   

As the hours went by I was aware of two things.  1.  I'd dropped a few chocolate chips down my shirt by accident when we were making cookies.  I never had a chance to get them out without Brandon noticing.  I could feel them melting against my skin.  But 2. I could sense that Brandon really wanted to kiss me so I didn't plan on going anywhere until he made his move.  

Around 4:00 am Brandon and I were still awake and talking to each other.  We had wedged ourselves into a somewhat comfortable position laying next to each other on the love seat.  Our lips were incredibly close together, I wanted to kiss him so badly, but I wanted him to kiss me first.  I needed him to know that he had initiated the kiss.  So I just kept talking to him as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on.    

And then he kissed me!  We would later refer to it as our "second first kiss."  I don't remember much about it other than I was so happy that it had finally happened.  By kissing me Brandon was signaling that he was willing be more than just friends with me.  

Brandon and I stayed on the love seat the rest of the night. We kissed some more, but mostly we just tried to sleep on that awful couch.  I was a little worried about staying the whole night at his house, but I knew that I wouldn't let anything progress beyond kissing.  I'd made up my mind on that matter long before meeting Brandon.  And I had a mess of melted chocolate chips down my shirt.     

The kiss had changed things between us, but I wasn't Brandon's girlfriend yet.  Instead we'd moved to the "friends with benefits" status.  I had always been leery of this status with other guys.  But Brandon was different.  For one I knew that there was no way he had any other girls on the side.  He spent way too much time with me for there to be any other serious prospects out there.  In fact, the day after our second first kiss he was walking me home and said something like, "so we are planning on seeing each other every day right?"

A few days later Brandon took me for a drive up Logan Canyon.  We stopped at Third Dam and got out of the car.  We went for a walk but there was snow everywhere so we ended up just sitting on a picnic table.

"So where do you see our relationship going?"  Brandon asked me.

"Well, don't get scared, but if you asked me to marry you I would say yes."  I answered candidly.

"Well, I'm not asking you."  Brandon hurried and said.

"I'm not asking you to."  I explained, "I just thought you should know how I feel."

After that was out in the open we had a talk about what we thought our relationship should be.  We opened up and were completely honest about how we felt about each other.  Neither of us wanted to waste time in a relationship playing coy little cat and mouse games with our feelings.  Brandon was still a little commitment shy, but I understood his reasons better.  He'd been in a relationship before that had been bad for him and he wanted to make sure things were going well between us before getting in too deep.  He was also trying to focus on school and flying, and he didn't want to get too involved with someone who would interfere with those things.

By the end of the  DTR (Defining The Relationship) talk we had decided to not become boyfriend and girlfriend yet.  Instead we'd continue with the whole "friends with benefits" thing for a while and see where it went.

Where it went turned out to be a lot of "boyfriend/girlfriend" type things. During the next 10 days we did the following: My new furniture finally showed up and Brandon helped move it into my apartment.  We went to a Girls' Choice institute dance together.  Brandon gave me a ride and hung out with me at my friend's bridal shower.  We signed up for tithing settlement with appointments right next to each other.  We organised the ward Activities Committee closet supplies.  Brandon took me on a drive to see his family's property in Eden.  I met Brandon's family and went to his sister's baby shower.  He met my family and went to my sister's high school musical performance.

In Eden

Brandon was in charge of a linger longer after church on Sunday November 19th.  It was a huge Thanksgiving dinner type event that involved lots of turkey and other Thanksgiving food.  There was also a pie making contest.  Brandon and I had made a pumpkin pie together.  It won "best tasting."  I later confessed that I didn't like pumpkin pie, and Brandon wondered why I had helped him make one.

After the linger longer was all cleaned up I met up with Brandon at his apartment.  Somehow we ended up laying on the floor and talking together.  I mentioned that everyone in the ward thought we were an official couple.  Brandon said something like, "well we do spend a lot of time together." We started talking about our relationship again.  I brought up the point that since everyone thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend we might as well be boyfriend and girlfriend.  Brandon thought about it for a minute and then he agreed.

He also told me that he loved me.  He said, "I don't LOVE you, but I love you."  I told him I felt the same way.  

This picture was either taken right after Brandon agreed that we should be a couple, or after he told me he loved me.  Either way I was pretty happy.

A few days later we went down to Salt Lake together for Thanksgiving.  One of the great things about our relationship was that our parents only lived 15 minutes away from each other.  So we were able to spend a lot of time together over Thanksgiving break.  Since we were such a new couple neither of us felt comfortable inviting the other to our Thanksgiving dinner.  But I went over to his house on Wednesday night and he came over to mine for pie and games on Thursday night.  We also hung out together on Friday.  And on Saturday we went to a hockey game with his sister and brother in law and their friends.    

The Monday after Thanksgiving we went to Brandon's FHE "Family Home Evening" activity.  (I never once went to my assigned "family."  I always tagged along with Brandon.)  It was a pie eating contest and Brandon won for eating the fastest.  It was our first ward activity as an official couple, but I don't think anyone noticed anything different.

Everything was going great in our relationship.  But at the end of the month I had a tiny problem.  It was Brandon's birthday and I had no idea what to get him for a present.  I ended up giving him what I considered to be "our song."  It was "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flats.  I felt like it perfectly described my search for someone as great as Brandon.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
It was a good present, but it would be 6 years before I felt like I gave Brandon the birthday he deserved.

On Brandon's birthday we went to Burger King (it really was the only place we ever wanted to eat out) and then went for a walk up and down Main street.  We had fun looking at all the displays and window shopping.  It was a perfect evening with glittery snow falling lightly. As we passed Levan's Bridal I stopped dead.  There in the display window was my dream wedding dress.  I pointed it out to Brandon and told him, "I've never seen a dress that I liked as much as that one."

Brandon said something like, "maybe it's a sign."  I think he meant it to be teasing, but it came out sounding rather serious.  Then Brandon seemed a little embarrassed for bringing up marriage.  I knew that we still had a long way to go before he would be ready to talk about that type of commitment.

Click here to find out what happened next.

5 Years of wedded bliss AND road trips!

Brandon and I are celebrating our five year wedding anniversary today.  Well, sort of celebrating.  If you count him going to work, and me hanging out in my pajamas until noon with three little babies as celebrating. Tonight we are going out to dinner without any kids so that at least counts as commemorating.  

But compared to what we normally do for our wedding anniversaries this year is a little light.  In fact this is the first May 17th in five years that I will have woken up and gone to bed in my own house.  Let's recap:

2007: Our wedding day  I woke up on the couch in my parents family room.  Brandon picked me and my parents up and we all drove to the Bountiful Temple.  (I had everything I needed to get married in one car so I could keep track of them: Husband, rings, escorts, license, recommends, dress, and Brandon's tux.)  We were married at 9:45 am.  Then we took lots of pictures.  We had a barbeque luncheon in Brandon's parents backyard.  And then went to our hotel in Salt Lake.  (The reception was the next day - I highly recommend splitting the ceremony and reception up like that.)  After the reception we stayed one more night in Salt Lake and then drove down to Ephraim for the remainder of our honeymoon.

2008: Yellowstone  We decided to take advantage our new jeep and go on a road trip to Yellowstone for our anniversary.We spent 4 days and 3 nights there and saw tons of stuff.  We spent all of those nights in our tent at the Madison Campground (Its' the only one open in May).

2009: Southern California We decided to take advantage of the fact that I wasn't pregnant and go to Magic Mountain to ride all the cool roller-coasters. Originally we were going to fly but we'd enjoyed our road trip to Yellowstone so much that we decided to drive.  On our actual anniversary we woke up in Brandon's parents guest bedroom, and went to bed in his sister's guest bedroom. Here is my blog post about that day.  In addition to Magic Mountian we also enjoyed Las Vegas, LA, the Griffith Observatory, Camping on the beach, San Diego, the calico ghost town and so much more. 

2010: Southern Utah  By this time a road trip for our anniversary was pretty much a given.  So we planned a crazy 9 day non stop adventure around Southern Utah.  We saw 5 national parks, 7 state parks, and handful of national monuments.  We put exactly 1700 miles on the jeep.  On our actual anniversary we woke up in Bryce Canyon and fell asleep in Goblin Valley.  Here is the post about that.

2011: Northern Utah A full blown road trip was not in the cards for us this year.  We had 6 month old twins and very little money.  To save money and sanity we opted for a stay-cation.  We did lots of cool things in Northern Utah that we had never done together.  From looking at caves in Wendover, to hiking Ensign Peak, to finding spiral jetty we found tons of things to do.  Even though it was a stay-cation we still managed to put 900 miles on the jeep.  It also rained just about every day.  On our 4 year anniversary we woke up to rain on Antelope island and fell asleep all snug at the Sycamore Suites (we pretended our apartment was a hotel).  Oh and we also did an impromptu 3 hour walk to the Bountiful Temple (which we plan to repeat this Saturday).  Here is the post about that anniversary.

 2012: Colorado  We do plan on road tripping this year - we just have to wait about 6 weeks longer than usual.  And no, we aren't waiting because we have a 6 week old baby (though that thought should have crossed our minds.)  We are waiting because Brandon's work is pretty busy through May and June, and so he couldn't get time off until July.  Soon enough we are going to see my sister in Fort Collins, camp in Rocky Mountain National Park, Drive Pikes Peak, see cool scenery around Colorado Springs, and tons of other stuff.

These anniversary road trips are fun for me because I love spending time with Brandon.  We love hanging out in the jeep together, talking, listening to the radio, and enjoying the scenery.  I love how we work so hard and so well to put up and take down the tent, fix meals, and plan what to see.  I love the jokes we come up with when we are bored.  And I love how we remember these trips with such happy memories.

Inspiration: Wedding Ring

I've had my engagement/wedding ring for 4 years now. Before we were engaged I was really afraid to ask for a huge sparkly diamond. I wouldn't even go ring shopping with Brandon. There were two reasons for this. 1. I didn't want Brandon to feel like he needed to spend a lot of money before I would marry him And 2. I was afraid I would loose the ring. I hadn't had a lot of luck with keeping track of CTR rings over the years.

I also remembered this story by Arianne B. Cope in the October 2004 New Era. (Thanks Lindsey for helping me finally find this article.)

When I was single, it seemed like engaged girls with sparkly diamond rings loved to show them off so everyone would know how much their husband paid for them. It’s like in the film Johnny Lingo, where islanders are shocked when Johnny buys his wife with eight cows instead of the typical three or four. I couldn’t wait until I got the chance to wave around an “eight cow” ring of my own.

But if you judge me by the plain, thin, silver-colored ring I currently wear, you’d think my husband was a cheapskate. Actually my husband worked for months so I could have a beautiful ring. Unfortunately, it was an uninsured beautiful eight-cow ring … and I flushed it down the toilet.

We’d only been married for two weeks, and I’d already formed the habit of carefully pulling off my ring and placing it safely in a little box above the sink each time I washed my hands. I didn’t want to run the risk of tainting my ring’s sparkle with soap scum buildup. As I pulled it off one Saturday morning, the pressure built, and it popped right off my knuckle. I watched in disbelief as my lovely ring sailed straight for the toilet and hit the open bowl dead center, just as it finished flushing.

I screamed. I cried. I tried to jump in after it, but grown women just don’t fit in toilet bowls no matter how desperate the circumstances. My poor husband took the toilet apart for me, stuck his whole arm down the sludge hole, and felt around for the ring. We called every person in town that had anything to do with the sewer system and pleaded our case.

“Lady, your line is connected to the largest high pressure pipe in the city. Your ring is long gone,” I was told. In one swift swirl of water, my ring was gone forever.

Over the next few days, I became understandably depressed. My marriage preparation classes hadn’t covered crises of the flushing variety. I worried I’d ruined my chances for a happy marital relationship. After all, my husband had insisted on buying me a nice ring because the sacrifice it would take for him to be able to buy it would represent his love for me. Now I’d flushed the symbol of his love down the toilet.

I was telling my husband for the 42nd time how oafish I was and how sorry I was that he’d worked so hard for something I’d clumsily lost. He took me by the shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and said, “Please stop, Arianne. I don’t care about the ring. I didn’t do all that work for some sparkly rock. I did it for you, and I’d do it all over again a hundred times if you wanted me to. You’re worth more than all the diamonds in the world. I love you.”

My husband’s comforting words and warm embrace that day made me realize how silly I’d been acting. The ring was gone, but everything it symbolized still exists.

So even though I still punish the toilet with a hard kick from time to time, I’ve learned to focus on what’s most important. And that’s not how much my husband spent on me but how much he loves me. My husband insists he’ll get me a new ring someday. But I’m not sure I want one. Every time I look at my thin little ring, I remember what real love is. It doesn’t sparkle, it can’t be shown off, and thank goodness, it can’t be flushed down a toilet.

During the weeks leading up to our engagement I made sure that Brandon knew that I didn't even care about a ring. I wanted him.

In the end it was Brandon that lost his ring - twice. He lost it once in the snow near the Logan Tabernacle. We found it 6 weeks later when the snow melted. Then later that fall Brandon lost the ring for good when he accidentlly buried it. We never got another one because Overstock.com didn't have the exact same style any more. It's okay because we have love for each other.