We live where we live

Back when I was living in Logan I had a friend who hated that town.  Her husband was a student at USU so she'd moved to Logan for him.  She had no ties of her own to the area, and she wasn't interested in making any.  She'd go to work while he was in school, and then they would go to Salt Lake to spend pretty much every weekend.

They lived this way for about two years - living in Logan physically yet really living in Salt Lake in their hearts.  When her husband graduated they moved to Salt Lake almost immediately.  

Two weeks before they moved, my friend went to Aggie Ice cream for the first time.  The next time I saw her she told me, "that place is so good!  I can't believe what I have been missing."  She went back for more ice cream many more times before they moved.  

I was glad that she'd finally found something to like about Logan, but I was sad that it had happened so late.  I couldn't help wonder how much sooner she would have discovered Aggie Ice cream if she'd spent more weekends in Logan.    

It's no secret that Brandon and I didn't love living in Logan either, but we still spent a lot of time getting to know the area.  We went to the Summerfest art show, enjoyed plays at the theaters, attended concerts at the Tabernacle, hiked in the canyon, and took many walks up and down Main Street.  We also had our fair share of Aggie Icecream (my favorite is Aggie Bull Tracks.)  I have lots of happy memories from things we did while we lived there.  

My friend's experience showed me that its so easy to get caught up in wishing for "one day," that we forget about living today in the place where we are now.  Here is another example that taught me the same thing.

Brandon and I have family members who always planned to sell their house.  Every decision they made in regards to the house was weighed against resell values and curb appeal.  The house didn't have central air or a swamp cooler, and the family never installed one because they "were planning on selling the house."  For years they dealt with that hot house, always talking about the day that they would sell it and move away.

Then the day came when they were ready to put the house on the market.  It was summer time and they realized that prospective buyers wouldn't want to walk into a hot house.  So they bought and installed a swamp cooler.  They enjoyed a cool house for a year before the house sold.  I often wondered if they wished they'd installed the swamp cooler sooner.

Around the same time this happened, Brandon and I made a pact about two things.  The first is that we would never "get stuck."  In a nutshell, that means that we'd never put up with a bad situation just because we were afraid of changing it.  (This is one reason we were so willing to move to Fort Hood with less than 3 weeks notice.)

The second half of the pact was that we would embrace whatever stage of life we were in and not wait for "one day." This vow to always try to "live where we live" has helped us enjoy many experiences that we might have ignored or avoided.

Recently we read a conference talk that backed up our philosophy  The talk is from the April 2013 General Conference and was given by Elder Stanley G Ellis of the Seventy.  It is titled The Lord's Way.  Here is the except that I want you to read.

One thing we have often been taught is to bloom where we are planted. Yet sometimes we are tempted to migrate to some new area, thinking our children will have more friends and therefore better youth programs.

Brothers and sisters, do we really think the critical factor in the salvation of our children is the neighborhood where we live? The apostles and prophets have often taught that what happens inside the home is far more important than what our children encounter outside. How we raise our children is more important than where we raise them.

Certainly there are other factors involved in deciding where to live, and thankfully, the Lord will guide us if we seek His confirmation.

Another question is “Where are we needed?” For 16 years I served in the presidency of the Houston Texas North Stake. Many moved to our area during those years. We would often receive a phone call announcing someone moving in and asking which was the best ward. Only once in 16 years did I receive a call asking, “Which ward needs a good family? Where can we help?”

Brandon and I try to be contributing members where ever we live.  So even though Brandon and I are hoping to go to flight school soon we aren't just wishing away our time in the Texas Hill Country.  We are exploring and getting to know as much of this area as possible.  We are trying to make friends with the people around us.  We decorated and hung up pictures in our home.  And we are serving in our ward.

Are we perfect at it?  No, we still haven't bought new propane for our BBQ grill because "we might be moving soon."  And we talked ourselves out of a lawn mower for the same reason.  But for the most part we are really living here.

* * *

That was supposed to be the end of this little essay.  But there's more.  My sister Lindsey is planning a road trip to Salt Lake via my sister Emily's house in Colorado.  The road trip happens to be for the exact same time that Brandon is going to be gone for overnight gunnery training.  Yesterday I was really tempted to take the kids and the Pilot and join in on the road trip.  It would be so much fun to hang out with my family and see my friends in Salt Lake.

There are a lot of reasons not to go on the trip.  Not the least of which is the fact that I will be 35 weeks pregnant on the day it starts.  Still, pregnant or not, I seriously contemplated the trip.  I didn't want to be alone and bored without Brandon for 3 weeks.

As I tried to make a decision I remembered this post that I was planning on writing.  And I realized that I need to "live where I live."  With a little bit of planning I can make sure that we aren't bored while Brandon is gone.  The kids and I can go to the splash pad and the library.  We can hang out with our friends and get to know them better in the process.  We can come up with things to do here. (And hopefully things are "boring" enough that I don't go into labor until Brandon comes home.)    

Of course that's not to say I don't want to go back to Salt Lake for a visit.  We are planning one for around the end of the year.  But in the meantime I'm going to continue to live here and not wish I was somewhere else.  

A bead of hope

I haven't felt like a good mom, lately.  Instead, I've felt like a pregnant, exhausted, overrun, and completely drained mom.

I've just been going through the motions of daily life.  Feed the kids, do the laundry, change a million diapers, let the kids spend some time outside, watch Toy Story 3 AGAIN, pray for bedtime, try to spend some time with Brandon, sleep for a few hours, and repeat.

I've been hoping that the last trimester of this pregnancy can go by quickly, while at the same time wondering how on earth I can preserve my sanity while taking care of 4 kids under the age of three.

And then the kids and I found some things at the park that made me believe in my abilities as a mother again.

It started out as a normal trip to the park.  Then Charlotte found a sparkly purple bead laying in the bark chips.  At first I was worried that the little bead would start a huge fight between the girls.  But a few seconds later Lydia found a sparkly pink bead.

"That was lucky," I thought, "now they can each have a bead."

A little bit later we even found a yellowish-greenish bead "for Dewick" and a orange bead "for Mama."

There were only four beads on the whole playground.  That seemed like a pretty amazing coincidence so I decided to keep the beads safe.  I put three of them in my pocket so they could make it home without getting lost.  Charlotte had a pocket on her skirt so she kept hers in there.

When we got home I turned on Toy Story 3 and pulled out some yarn.  The movie kept Derrick occupied while the girls helped me braid four necklaces -one for each of our beads.

We had fun making the necklaces.  When they were done the girls were so excited.  All day long they would proudly point to their beads.  Derrick didn't notice his necklace, but he kept it on all day.  

It touched my heart that something so simple could make them so happy.  I realized that my kids don't care if I'm too tired to do AMAZING things with them each day.  They are happy that I am here.  That I pay attention to them.  And that occasionally I can make them something special.

When Brandon came home the girls showed him their beads.  Then they wanted him to have a bead too.  I knew where another bead was because, months ago I'd randomly found some black beads on the floor.  I'd put them on my dresser to keep Derrick from eating them.  I hurried and found one of those beads and made Brandon a necklace.  He willingly joined our little bead club.

We are all still wearing our beads today (except Brandon who is at work.)  Somehow these five small beads make me feel like I can do this whole parenthood thing.  

If a necklace of braided yarn with one small bead can make my child happy, then maybe my small efforts will count for something too. 

Shoes

I made Brandon pack up all his clothes before he left for Basic Training.  I didn't want to have a visual reminder of him every time I opened the closet.  It's a good thing I did that because seeing the tooth brush he left behind pulls at my heart.   

He packed everything up. His ties, jackets, pants, shirts, belts, and even his shoes.  After he left, I noticed something interesting about our over the door shoe holder - it was very empty.  Surprisingly, only two pairs of shoes in the holder actually belonged to me.  

One pair is my black flats.  I bought them 2 years ago.  I wear them to church, to take out the garbage, and pretty much every time I go out in public. The other pair is my tennis shoes that I think I bought 3 years ago. I wear them on long walks.  I used to have a pair of sandals, but they fell apart on our Colorado trip and I probably wont replace them until next spring.  

But really my shoe collection consists of so many more pairs of shoes than just those two.  I have two pairs of boots waiting for winter in the bottom of my closet.  I have at least 6 pairs of shoes in a box at the top of my closet.  They are all high healed shoes and are waiting for the day when I don't routinely lift three children multiple times a day.  

Sometimes I feel like my life is like my shoe holder.  Consisting of only limited options.  I wake up, make bottles, change diapers, change clothes, feed kids, try to clean the house, try keep everyone happy, and then repeat.  It's the same thing over and over again.  The same two pairs of shoes over and over again.  

But there is more to me than just the being "Mommy." I love projects, innovation, assignments, adventure, challenges, adrenaline, and feeling important.  A lot of those parts of me are currently on an internal shelf.  They are waiting for the day that I'm not consumed by three needy babies.  

Most of the time it's okay to keep the shoes, and me, in a box.  It would be impractical to start wearing high heeled shoes to take out the garbage.  Just as it would be a hassle to start trying to earn money right now.  And I'm happy with my two pairs of shoes.  Just like I really enjoy what I do as a mom.  

However, I have to remember that it is important to branch out from the everyday routine.  To take time to do things for me - as me.  And as I do these things I need to remember to wear some really awesome high heels.