I think there is a TV show for people like me

Does anyone know the number for the producers of TLC's “I didn't know I was pregnant.”  I think I might be a good candidate for their show.  Because once again, I'm pregnant and I didn't know.  Here's a little time line that illustrates just how out of touch with my body I actually am.  Of course the story isn't as crazy as last time, but given my history you'd think I'd be more aware the second time around.

They say denial is the first stage of grief and for me it's also the first stage of pregnancy.  All through the month of August I felt tired and a tiny bit nauseous.  I blamed the heat for my lack of energy.  “It's just too hot to do anything.” I thought. 

But then September came and the heat broke and I still didn't feel like doing anything.  I didn't want to go on long walks with the girls and I stopped cleaning my house as often as I had been.  I rationalized everything and told myself it was because I was out of the habit since I'd been so lazy in August.

In the back of my head there was a little voice that kept saying, “when was your last period?”  And I kept pushing that little voice away and thinking, “sometime in June before I was called in the Relief Society Presidency, but that's was the first one I had since the girls were born, so it will take a little bit of time for everything to get back to normal. Right?”  And the little voice would say, “I think your pregnant.”  and I would say, “No I'm not, I don't have any of the symptoms I had with the girls.  I'm not throwing up, and I haven't dreamed about babies. Yeah, I'm tired, but I have 10 month old twins why wouldn't I be tired?”

The voice kept nagging me so on September 8th I decided to buy a pregnancy test to prove that I wasn't pregnant.  I would take the test, get a negative, and then tell myself to get up off my lazy butt and stop napping so much.  My sister Hillary lives with me on weekdays and while we were on a walk with the girls I told her my plan to buy the test.  We stopped at the store and found the test.  I was so certain that I wasn't pregnant that I bought a two pack test box.  I figured that I'd need the second one sometime in the future.

As we walked toward the checkout line I felt a little embarrassed to be buying a pregnancy test while pushing a stroller with twins that weren't even a year old.  I told Hillary that it would almost be more socially acceptable for her to buy the test.  She's 18 and single, but I think a lot of people would accept her being pregnant easier than they would accept me having a third kid so close to my other two. I ended up picking out a guy cashier and bagger who both looked like they were in high school.  I figured that they would be more embarrassed by the pregnancy test than I was.  I was right.      

I brought the test home and left it on the counter.  I knew I wasn't pregnant so I wasn't in a hurry to take the test.  I thought about taking it the next morning, but that was Brandon's last day of work.  Two weeks earlier we'd found out his schedule was changing to one that would not work for us at all.  Since the only thing we'd liked about his job lately had been his schedule we figured it was time to quit.  On the off chance I was pregnant I didn't want to find out until after Brandon had left that life sucking job.  
Saturday or Sunday also wouldn't work to take the test because we had a lot planned and I didn't want to be distracted by a positive result – even though I knew it wouldn't be positive.  I planned to take the test Monday. 

Monday came and I didn't feel tired or sick.  “See I'm not pregnant.”  I told myself, “and I didn't even need to the test to tell me that.  I bet my period will start any day now.”  I even talked to my sister Lindsey about it and we decided that it might be Hillary's hormones that were messing up mine. 

On Thursday September 15th the girls woke up around 5:30 which never happens.  Brandon and I groggily fed them and then went back to bed.  But neither of us could sleep because we were hungry.  So we got up and ate.  Half way through my bowl of granola I felt a familiar feeling.  I stood up, went to the sink, and threw everything up.  “Maybe I should take that test,” I thought.  But then immediately I said, “wow I guess my body isn't used to eating this early.” And I went back to bed.

I felt fine once I'd slept a little bit more so I figured everything was okay.  Then I remembered I'd signed up to donate blood that day.  I knew that one of the questions would be whether or not I was pregnant.  I decided to take the test so I could say without a doubt that I wasn't pregnant. 

I told Brandon and made him come into the bathroom with me while I took the test.  Both of us watched the test window as the familiar pink color spread across the window.  I thought about the two negative and one positive tests that we'd watched over the years.  I was sure we'd be adding another negative test to that list.  According to the instructions there would be a horizontal line no matter what.  And there would also be a vertical line if I was pregnant.  But all I could see was a very dark vertical line. 
“What does this mean?” I asked Brandon. 
“According to this your pregnant,”  he answered. 
“But there isn't a horizontal line, maybe this test is defective.”  I said, still clinging to denial.  And then I saw the faint horizontal line and I knew I was pregnant. 

After that things started making a lot more sense.  Of course, I was pregnant.  I'd been ignoring signs for weeks.  Like the fact that my pants were getting tighter around my waist.  Or that I'd been getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.  Also my skin was clear even though I was lazy and only washing my face with bar soap.  And of course the fact that I'd been tired.  How had I ignored it for so long?

I immediately called my doctor to make an appointment.  I had no idea how pregnant I was and I didn't want to tell anyone until I had a due date.  I told the lady talking my call, “I feel like I was just in there.”  And she replied, “Oh wow you were.”  When she asked me when the first day of my last period was I just laughed and told her, “June 10th, yeah I've been in denial.”  She laughed with me.  She told me that my doctor was actually expecting a baby the next week which made me feel better because she hadn't even been pregnant when I last saw her in December. “Maybe I haven't been there as recently as I thought.” I said. She was able so schedule me in for the next Monday so I'd be able to see my doctor before she went on maternity leave.             

I spent the weekend in denial.  No one knew I was pregnant so it was easy to pretend that I wasn't.  We spent time with Brandon's family and I wasn't even tempted to tell them the news.  I also kept telling myself that I probably wasn't that pregnant.  I figured I was maybe 8 weeks at the most.

And then Monday September 19th came and I got nervous, really nervous.  My stomach was full of butterflies as we drove into Salt Lake to go to the doctor.  I was worried the doctor would think I hadn't waited long enough to get pregnant again.  I was worried that I wouldn't be pregnant enough to see the baby on the ultrasound.  I was worried that Charlotte and Lydia wouldn't behave themselves at the office and I'd look like a terrible mother. And most of all I was scared we were going to find twins again.  I really really really didn't want to go through another twin pregnancy.

At the doctor's we found out that my doctor had gone into labor over the weekend.  So we saw one of her associates.  She asked me when my last period was and from that she calculated that I was due March 16.  I laughed and told her I didn't think I was that far along.  Then it was time for the ultrasound.  The doctor first tried it abdominally.  She figured that the baby would be developed enough to see it that way.  She hadn't adjusted the monitor yet so I couldn't see, but as soon as she put the sensor on my belly Brandon said, “Hey, there is a baby.” (He'd been in denial too and didn't want to believe I was pregnant until he saw it.)

All three of us really wanted to know if there were two babies so she started moving the sensor around.  My bladder was in the way so she decided to try to view the baby the other way.  This time she adjusted the monitor and I could see what she saw.  My first thought was, “Wow that's a big baby.” I'd been expecting a little floating and wiggling gummy bear like Charlotte and Lydia had looked on their first ultrasound.  Instead this was baby shaped (which means it looked like an alien).  It had a big oblong head, a large torso, and long skinny arms and legs.  I could distinctly see it's hand and arm bones.  The doctor did a lot of looking and only found one baby -thank goodness! 

This is the only picture we got of Baby C.  Most of the live footage was less creepy looking.

The baby was really wiggly and so it was hard for her to get a good measurement of it.  When she finally did it measured 11 weeks and 4 days along.  And my due date changed to April 4.  We all had a good laugh about how I basically skipped the first trimester.

I'd planned on keeping my pregnancy a secret for a while because I didn't want to go through what happened last time.  However, when we saw how big the baby was, and because I'm at least 11 1/2 weeks pregnant we decided we better tell people.  Also we were going out to my parents house that afternoon and I didn't think we could keep it a secret anyway.

So there you have it . . . proof that I am completely oblivious.  It's not just pregnancy related.  I have such a direct personality that subtlety doesn't work on me.  Brandon learned early in our marriage that I can't pick up a hint to save my life.  He doesn't mind though.  He's able to hide Christmas and birthday presents out in the open and I never notice them.

Here are some answers to questions I know you are dieing to ask.

Is this a planned pregnancy?
Actually yes.  At least in the fact that I made a conscious decision to stop taking birth control.  I couldn't shake a feeling that I shouldn't be preventing a baby at this time.  I kind of thought that it would take a little bit longer to get pregnant again, but I was fine with whenever it happened.

Just how close together will your kids be?
Well the girls will be 18 months at the end of April and I'm due before that so less than 18 months apart.

Are you okay with that?
I'm a little worried about the logistics of having 3 kids under age 2, but mostly I'm excited.  The day I found out I was pregnant I panicked a little bit, but then I decided that I wouldn't complain.  I kept thinking about my Aunt Lori who would love to have a family of five, and my friend Lindsay who would do anything for the opportunity to raise her third son. 

I just figure this is our late triplet.  Or maybe I really did have a miscarriage last year and this is that baby.  I do know that for whatever reason I'm supposed to have this baby now. 

Do you think its a boy or a girl?
Boy!  As soon as we saw the baby on the ultrasound we started referring to it as a him.  Brandon really wants a boy.  I want a boy too.  If it is a girl that's okay too considering we have mountains of pink and purple clothes.

Will you find out the gender before the baby is born?
Yes.  One of the side effects of having twins is you learn how to read ultrasound footage really well.  I don't think we could not know what we are having.

Do Charlotte and Lydia have any clue what is going on?
Well they are my kids so they are oblivious.  At the doctors office they were more interested in trying to unplug the ultrasound machine than looking at it.