Inspiration: The important things are the same

Me, Lindsey, and Emily in 1989

Almost five years ago my sister Lindsey and I each got married two weeks apart.  It was a crazy time for my family to say the least.  We had my wedding on May 17, my reception on May 18, Lindsey's open house on May 25, Billy's 16th birthday on May 31, Emily graduated from high school on June 1st, Lindsey was married and had her reception on June 2, and Hillary turned 14 on June 3rd.  In addition to all that there were end of the year choir and band concerts and Emily went to prom the day after my wedding reception.  By the time we celebrated Hillary's birthday we were all so sick of cake that we just shoved together and re-frosted leftover pieces of cake from Lindsey's reception to serve as a birthday cake - which no one really ate.

To make things even crazier, Lindsey and I are two very different people so naturally we had two very different wedding plans.  I was married in the Bountiful Temple, she was married in the St. George Temple.  My colors were pink and yellow, hers were purple and green. My reception was in doors, hers was outdoors.  My dress was straight, hers was poofy.  The list goes on. I think there were only two things that we could use for both weddings 1. A trellis with artificial Wisteria flowers.  2. The white bridesmaid shoes.

Lindsey and John (Sorry, I'm in a hurry and I don't have time to rotate it)

There was one other thing that was the same.  We were each sealed to our husbands for time and all eternity inside a holy temple.  I will always remember how I felt when I saw Lindsey walk into the sealing room on her wedding day.  She was wearing the exact same type of ceremonial clothing as I had worn when I was sealed.  (Well almost, we'd each picked out a different style temple dress.)  The words of the ceremony were the exact same.  Despite all our differences the most important thing was the same. 

Last night Brandon and I were able to go to the temple and do sealings with other members of our branch.  As we acted as proxy for people who had died over a hundred years ago, I again thought about much I love the consistency of the sealing ceremony.  Their lives were so very different from our own, but the fact that they are now sealed for time and all eternity is the same.  

Derrick was born almost a month ago.  Ten days later Lindsey gave birth to her own baby boy, Knoxx.  This was the first time any of my sisters and I had been (knowingly) pregnant at the same time.  As you can probably guess, we handled our pregnancies differently. I announced my pregnancy on facebook and this blog pretty much as soon as the primary family members had been told.  Lindsey never really announced it to the online community - she just posted pictures and everybody eventually caught on.  I wanted to find out the gender of my baby, Lindsey didn't at first.  I decided I liked the name Derrick at around 20 weeks.  Lindsey settled on Knoxx about 2 days after he was born.  The births also were different, and so were the ways we wrote about them.  Here is Knoxx's birth story.    

Derrick

Knoxx

But again, despite all the differences there is one thing that is the same.  Derrick and Knoxx are each sealed to their parents for time and all eternity.  Last night, Brandon and I were able to act as proxy for parents while another man acted as proxy for sons.  It was interesting to think about the other side of the veil.  Were the parents just as eager to be sealed to their son as we had been for the birth of Derrick?  I like to think so. 

18 months

My little internal writer is back.  The only problem is that my need for sleep is - for once - overpowering my need to write.  The only reason I even got on the computer tonight was to pay bills . . . and then peek at facebook . . . and then catch up on all your blogs . . . and to put this picture up here.  

The girls turned 18 months on April 30. It always feels weird when a month has only 30 days in it.  The girls were born on the 31st so saying they are 18 months on the 30th just seems odd.  I wonder if that is what leap year babies feel like.

Anyway, one day I might do a post about all the cute things they are doing now.  Until then here are some things to help you know what they are like.

They jabber back and forth like Chip and Dale.  (It's some sort of language with occasional phrases that resemble English.)  

They put their little fingers on top of every surface like E.T. (That movie is the perfect example of what it is like to have a toddler.)

And they love to investigate and take possession of everything like Yoda in his first scene in Empire Strikes Back.  (They spent about 20 minutes playing with a flash light today.)

Life with Three

I am so very happy to report that going from 2 to 3 kids is much easier than going from 0 to 2.  I was pleasantly surprised at how easily Derrick fit into our daily life.  I was expecting major disruption - crying, memory loss, inability to think, feeling like I ruined my life again, etc.  Instead it's almost like he's always been here.

Part of the ease comes from the fact that I'm hardly out of baby mode with the girls.  I thought this would be a liability, but instead it is an asset.  For example: I still have a diaper changing station set up - and the mad skills that go with changing twins.  In fact I'm probably at the top of my game diaper-wise because I can wrangle toddler twins.  A little baby that lays still is no problem.  

Another thing making life easier is that I'm so happy to not be pregnant.  I didn't realize how much of my energy was being diverted to growing a person.  Now that he's out I suddenly feel so much more alive.  Sure the first few days when I was still healing were difficult, but gradually the discomfort went away.

Tomorrow will have been 18 days since Derrick was born.  That's significant because the girls came home from the hospital when they were 18 days old. In the past 18 day's I feel like we've established a basic pattern for life with 3 kids.  Here's a look at some of the things that have developed.

We decided to have all the kids share a room from the beginning.  We figured it would be easier to train them all to sleep through each other's crying and stuff from the beginning.  It's actually going really well.  For the most part one child can wake up and cry without disturbing the others.  Every night there is a moment where all the kids are asleep in their own cribs.  I love this moment!  No matter what else happens during the night at least that moment existed.  I filmed it the other night.  (Sorry it's kind of dark.  I didn't want to risk waking them up by turning on more lights)

I have to confess, I've broken my number one rule.  Yeah that's right, I let Derrick sleep in my bed.  It was done out of desperation at first.  It really hurt to get in and out of bed so I found it was just easier to bring him in bed with me to nurse. And then I discovered I liked it.  Still I'm not planning on this being a permanent thing.  It's cute now, but it wont be cute when he can roll around.  Every night he starts out in his own bed.  When he wakes up I usually get up and nurse him while watching late night TV (more about that in a minute).  Then he goes back to his bed.  If he wakes up again I'll try to nurse him on the couch again, but usually I'll be lazy and nurse him in bed.  I'm hoping that as he learns how to sleep through the night he will spent all night in his crib.   

Swaddling is still wonderful.  I love how it can change a screaming baby into a peaceful dreamer in seconds.  During the day Derrick can fall asleep without being swaddled, but at night he needs to wrapped up really tight.  Derrick is a really good sleeper.  The first night was pretty bad (FYI first nights home are always terrible) but it was still way better than the first night with the girls.  The next night went much better, and things have gradually been improving.

TV has become a large part of our lives.  For the first little bit we all watched A LOT (hey I was recovering) but now I've scaled us all back.  The girls usually watch Sesame Street at 11:00.  This has become my salvation.  That's when I get dressed, do my make up, and maybe even get something cleaned.  And if the girls find what I'm doing to be more interesting than the TV - I feel honored.  Here we have the girls in their favorite TV viewing position - RIGHT next to the screen.  Oddly enough they don't do this when we watch movies.  And check out Derrick chillin' on the couch.

As I said earlier, I watch late night TV while I nurse Derrick.  I've always loved late night TV so I'm thrilled in a weird way to get up with him.  I'll hear him cry and at first I'm like "Ugh"  but then I remember I can watch TV and I'm like, "Sweet!  I haven't missed Craig's monologue." I'm pretty happy no matter what time Derrick wakes up. If he's up at 11:00 I'm watching 30 Rock, 11:30 means Craig Ferguson, 12:00 I usually toggle between Craig Ferguson and what's his name on NBC, 12:30 is some show about movie star comebacks, 1:00 is the only time I hate because nothing I want to see is on, 1:30 is Everybody Hates Chris, and 2:00 is Numb3rs.  (What do most of these shows have in common?  They were shows I enjoyed before I accidentally stopped watching TV 5 1/2 years ago.)  

Since I'm up so much with Derrick, Brandon has become the go to man when one of the girls needs help in the night. He's also spends lots of time with them when he is home.  They like hanging out with their daddy and usually scream with delight when he walks in the door each evening.  Here are all three of them making cookies for our family home evening treat. (Don't you just love the smile on Lydia's face?) 

Brandon also gets his time with Derrick.  One of my favorite things to do is hand Brandon the baby so I can get something done.  My other favorite thing to do is nap.  As soon as the girls go down for their nap, and I'm pretty sure they are asleep, I head for my bed.  Actually the first thing I do is put a sign on my front door that says "Please do not disturb it is NAPTIME for all of us."  This is my way of preventing any disturbances from well meaning visitors.  If Derrick happens to want to nurse during naptime I bring him into bed with me.  Then I nurse him while reading a book.  Currently I'm reading the biography of Gordon B Hinkley.  I like to read biographies because I don't get as sucked in as I do novels.  As soon as Derrick falls asleep I shut the book - even if I'm in the middle of a paragraph  -and try to sleep myself.    

We gave Derrick one sponge bath before his cord fell out.  It was terrible.  He screamed the whole time, and we felt like inept parents.  I was so happy when his cord fell out and I could give him a swaddle bath.  He loved it and stayed quiet the whole time.  

 Here is Derrick after his bath. He's wearing a sleeper that Brandon wore as a baby.  He is also sporting his "security burp cloth."  Actually its more like "Lydia's security burp cloth."  In her mind he NEEDS his burp cloth at all times.  If she finds it on the floor, or the couch, or anywhere not on the baby she will immediately make a concerned little "ah" noise and bring it to me to put on Derrick.  It has to be on him.  

 Lydia is very concerned about her baby brother.  If he cries she points to him and looks at me like, "Do something!"  Charlotte is also very aware of her brother's needs. The other day we were outside playing while he was inside sleeping.  I was wondering how I would get the girls back inside if he woke up before we were done.  I didn't need to worry.  All it took was one cry and the girls dropped their buckets of rocks and ran for the door to go in and help him.  Their baby needed us and they knew it.

Both girls love to poke him in the nose (I guess that means "I love you" in baby world.)  They also give him lots of hugs and kisses.  The other day I found Lydia basically laying on him and kissing his face.  Aside from fear of them smothering him I don't worry when they poke and prod him.  If they do happen to wake him up I figure it will just help him get his days and nights figured out that much sooner.

The only problem we have is with his binkie.  The girls are binkie addicts - if they see a binkie they will pop it into their mouths right away.  I've been pretty good at keeping their binkie time limited to when they are sleeping, at church, or being babysat.  However, now that we have a baby whose binkie is usually nearby they can't resist stealing it.  Lydia seems to have the attitude that she is "only keeping it safe until he wants it."  Charlotte seems to just grab the binkie as a reflex.  Both of them are slowly getting better at bringing it back when Derrick starts crying.

The girls have really turned into little helpers. They like helping load and unload the dishwasher and the  dryer.  We are still working on the concept of putting dirty things into the appliances and take out clean things.  But even so, it is really cute to watch Lydia take the dirty cutting board and put it with all the clean ones or take clothes from the dirty clothes basket and put them in my bottom dresser drawer.

Of course we've had our hard times too these past 18 days. There have been some tears. I've had to try to hold a toddler and a newborn at the same time when they both were crying (thank goodness it was only 2 out of the 3).  There was that bad day last week where I think the Derrick cried the least out of all of us.  And once Lydia was so upset about Charlotte trying to steal her stuff that she insisted on holding onto her toy vacuum while she cried in my lap.

But tears are fleeting in our family. For every tense 5 minutes we've had hours of peace. I've learned there is really nothing that can't be washed out, sewn back up, glued together, or forgiven.  For the most part everything is going great.  I often think about a line from a Cheri Call song:  "I am living in a picture with the ones that I adore." And here is a video that shows what I mean.

2 years later

Two years ago I received my first ever positive result on a pregnancy test.  Brandon and I were so excited at the prospect of having a baby.  We'd been trying to get pregnant since about 3 months after we were married so we'd been waiting about two and a half years for that result.

During that 2 1/2 years I'd gone through a whole range of emotions about my apparent infertility.  On one hand I was somewhat jealous of my friends who were able to have children.  On the other hand I was relieved that we didn't have to juggle a baby and Brandon's school.  I went to the doctor once to find out if anything was obviously wrong with me.  I did have a GBS infection that could have been preventing pregnancy.  However, even after I finished the antibiotics I didn't get pregnant right away.

Through it all I tried to keep a positive attitude.  At one point I decided to just embrace my life for what it was and not waste time wishing for something else.  Brandon and I spent a lot of time working on hobbies and enjoying each other's company.  We planned 3 awesome vacations and did a lot of smaller activities too.  I also found inspiration from 3 quotes that I talked about in the blog post where I announced my pregnancy.

We decided that if I wasn't pregnant by the time Brandon graduated then we would start looking into fertility treatments and things like that.  I always had a sense that my fertility and Brandon's college experience were somehow tied together.  Turns out they were VERY connected.  I'm not kidding when I say that I got pregnant with the girls the very same week Brandon found out he could change his major and graduate immediately.

Of course when I did finally get that long sought after positive test I had no idea that in two years my family would go from looking like this . . .

to this . . .

All I can say is life can change fast.  Make sure you are enjoying whatever phase you are in right now.

Out and about

Yeah, I just had a baby, but it is SPRING outside.  This weekend I needed to get outside.  And so did the girls.  Lydia had about 7 major meltdowns throughout the day on Thursday.  These affected Brandon and me in ways we are not proud of.  (We used up our one major fight of the year pass.)  So when the rainy week cleared up on Friday we went out to enjoy ourselves.

Brandon rode his bike to work because I needed the car to take Derrick to the doctor.  He was going to ride it home as well, but ended up with a flat (and a bloody arm.)  When he called home to ask for a ride I told him we should just pick him up and go on a picnic.  During nap time I moved the jeep closer to our apartment and packed everything we needed for the picnic.  Then when the girls woke up we all went out the the car.  It was one of life's little victories that, not only did I get all three kids into the car without incident, I also remembered the stroller, mobi wrap, food, and camera.  We went to Liberty Park and ate dinner.

Brandon and the girls played around while I nursed Derrick.  (This was my first time nursing in public.  I figured Liberty Park was a good place to start.)

We went and played in the water feature that represents the canyons that provide water to the valley.  Charlotte loved the water.

And soon Lydia joined her.

Then we looked at the amusement park rides.  Lydia immediately got stuck in the bars.

At one point I was carrying Lydia, Derrick, and the diaper bag.  (And somehow still smiling)

The girls had lots of fun running around this empty fountain.  A bunch of other kids saw the fun they were having and joined in.

And then it was time to go home.  But it wasn't the end of our adventures for the weekend.  Saturday was one of those rare days where we had no commitments.  I told Brandon if anyone asked what we were doing that day he should tell them we had plans.  I wanted him to spend all day with the family.

The best way to avoid getting sucked into other people's plans is to not be home.  So we headed out to check out the new City Creek Center.  Here we are on the sky bridge.

The girls liked watching the fountain, but when it came time to actually play in it they got kind of scared.

Charlotte liked the big fountain.

For lunch we went to Memory Grove and had another picnic.  Derrick also got to eat here.

We figure all of this is practice for when we go on our annual road trip. (Yep, not even 3 kids under 2 years will stand in the way of this tradition.)  We've already learned it's good to remember sippy cups.  And if we bribe the girls with treats they get back in their car seats much more willingly.

We went on a walk up the road in Memory Grove.  It's a good thing I remembered to put sunscreen on the girls - because they don't like to keep their sunshades over their heads for long.  (Today Brandon took the girls on a short walk before church.  In 20 minutes they got redder than they had the whole previous day.)

After our walk the girls were fading fast.  We put them in the car and they fell asleep right away.  We went home and took long naps.  (Well most of us did.  Lydia decided to wake up so she and Brandon watched Star Trek.)

Later that night, after we'd completely screwed up the girls sleep schedule, we decided to go grocery shopping as a family.  It was really fun.  I can't remember the last time we all went shopping together.

And that was our fun weekend.  I probably overdid it, but I don't care.  Being outside and feeling alive was worth any minor discomfort.  

Video of Derrick

Pictures of newborns don't show off enough of a baby's personality.  I like to film my kids when they are at this special yet fleeting stage.

This is a video of Lydia when she was just 5 days old.

Here is Charlotte at 6 days old.

And here is Derrick today.  He is 8 days old.  (Please ignore the pink blanket - it was laundry day today)

Inspiration: Kids and Church

We just finished our first sacrament meeting as a family of five.  Survived is probably a better word.  I told Brandon he wasn't allowed to pass the sacrament this week.  I needed him on the bench to help with the girls and Derrick.  It actually went okay for the most part.  The girls had fun exploring my brand new diaper bag, they played with toys, sang along with the hymns, and ate/spilled kix.  We made it through about 55 minutes before we all ended up in the foyer.

And despite the slight embarrassment from having three noisy kids in a branch without many children, it was totally worth it.  We heard two amazing talks on strengthening our marriage and prayer. We also were able to take the sacrament for the first time in 3 weeks. We missed church last week (thanks to Derrick), and the week before was conference.  I really wanted to go today and get spiritually recharged.

When the girls were born we went to church at the hospital for two weeks.  Then when they came home from the hospital we missed church because we were exhausted.  Brandon went by the church after the meetings to drop off tithing.  He talked to the Branch President for a little bit and received some advise.  One thing in particular stood out.  It is my inspirational thought of the week for you.  The advise was:

"Don't let those kids become an excuse for going inactive."

We have been to church every week since then.  Sometimes it has just been to Sacrament meeting, sometimes its at other wards, but we have been there.  And when the girls are raising a ruckus I don't have to wonder if the Branch President wishes we would just stay home so everyone else could feel the spirit.  Instead I know that we are just as welcome as anyone and that we are exactly where we need to be - noisy kids and all.

On a related note - I've been released as second counselor in the Relief Society.  It's a bittersweet change.  Bitter because I loved that calling.  I loved planning activities, conducting meetings, and getting to know the sisters.  It is a sweet change because it was time to get released.  Brandon's calling takes up a lot of time and energy.  Three kids take up a lot of time and energy.  The biggest reason I'm glad for the change is that we only have a few more months together as a family before Brandon leaves. I didn't want my calling to compete with family togetherness time.

My new calling is Relief Society teacher - this was actually my old calling.  In my opinion, RS teacher is one of the easiest callings.  I only have to worry about teaching, for 45 minutes once a month.  I read the lesson on Sunday, think about it all week, plan it on Saturday, give it on Sunday, and do nothing the rest of the month.  Plus teaching is fun for me.   I'm really happy about the change.

I'm also really happy that the girls go to nursery.  Right now me and Derrick are home chilling out on the couch. (Sacrament meeting was enough for me to feel spiritually recharged this soon after having a baby.)  The only thing preventing me from getting in my pajamas is the fact that I have to go back to the church and get set apart for my new calling.