I'm feeling like a pretty awesome parent these days. Why? Well it's certainly not because I have a super clean house, or because I fill my children's days with stimulating hands on activities. Those things are out of my reach right now. But I have helped the girls' through four very big milestones lately. All of which absolutely terrified me to even think about. And now they are done!
I want to brag about these things. Not just to toot my own horn (even though I think that's something that we Mom's should feel no shame in doing), but also to share with you some of the things that worked to help the girls accomplish these things. Maybe these ideas will help you out with your own little toddlers.
Sleeping in Beds
This was accomplished in January when the girls were about 2 years and 3 months old.
I was very reluctant to ever let the girls out of their cribs, but I knew they would learn how to climb out someday. That someday turned out to be a few nights before we moved. Brandon and I were packing and suddenly Lydia joined us in the front room. I said, "We'll just have to work on keeping her in her room when we get to Texas." And let her stay up.
Through the next month the girls slept on queen size hotels beds, a very hospitable stranger's floor, Lindsey's guest bed, the floor in their own room, and a sleeping mat in their room. They were pretty happy to see their cribs again when the moving truck finally caught up with us.
I put the cribs back together (Brandon was at NTC), but ran into some problems with the sides. I couldn't get the drop side of Lydia's crib to stay up, and I had no idea how one whole side of Charlotte's crib connected. The girls didn't mind though. Lydia liked how much easier it was to climb in and out of her crib, and Charlotte liked that her crib was now a bed.
During the month without their beds the girls had a hard time staying in their room. Many nights I'd have to lay down next to them, hold their hands, and sing them songs until they fell asleep. Other nights they would end up migrating into my bed if they woke up in the middle of the night (which they usually did).
That changed once the beds showed up. They were so happy to have beds again that they didn't mind staying in them at bedtime. And they FINALLY started sleeping through the night.
The novelty of the beds has worn off, but they are still pretty good about going to bed. I think it helps that they can play together so they aren't bored in their room. I've also learned that if I just go in my room and shut the door they leave me alone. Yes, sometimes they will sneak out into the hall, or go in the toy room and play around, but that's about all they do.
One of these days I'll actually remember to buy them a night light while I'm at the store. I'm hoping that once the hall is scary and dark and their room is light instead of vice versa they will stay in their rooms.
(Full Disclosure: Lately Charlotte has started coming into my room in the middle of the night. She doesn't try to wake me up or even get in bed with me. She just lays down on some blankets next to my bed and goes back to sleep. I don't know why she does it, nor do I really care to make her stop.)
Giving Up Bottles
The girls gave up their bottles in April when they were 2 years and 5 months old. I know that my seem like WAY too old to some of you, but hey twins are hard, twins with a little brother are even harder, and twins with a little brother and a Daddy at basic training are really hard. So don't judge me unless you are willing to try it out for yourself.
There were several reasons for letting the girls drink from bottles past age one. One reason was that they were so small I wanted them to get as many nutrients from whole milk as possible. Another reason was that bottles didn't spill as easy as even the most "spill proof sippy cup." A third reason was that with Derrick drinking from a bottle it was kind of hard to ween the girls. And the final reason was that the girls used the bottles to fall asleep.
The girls liked having a bottle before they could fall asleep, and I really liked them to sleep so I made sure they had what they wanted. I justified violating the whole "absolutely no bottles in bed" rule this way. They always took their bottles out of their mouths before they fell asleep so it what was the difference between having a bottle before going to bed or while they were in bed? (If their teeth end up rotting out I will admit I was wrong and let you know.)
I completely misplaced our WIC vouchers when we moved so we ended up not getting any food from WIC for the month of January. I started watering down the girls' bottles during that month. And I discovered two very important things. 1. The "milk" could be super watery but as long it was white the girls would still drink it. 2. The girls' appetites for regular food suddenly exploded. I could tell their need for milk was decreasing.
In the middle of February I started telling the girls that we would say bye bye to bottles on Derrick's birthday. I showed them Derrick's birthday on the calender so they could see how much time would pass. At least once a day we talked about "Derrick birthday - one candle - bye bye bottles."
My original plan was to take bottles away from all three kids on Derrick's birthday. But then Derrick went on a multi-week hunger strike where all he wanted was his bottle. That left me so frazzled I couldn't face the thought of taking away his bottle yet. (He still uses it, but I hope to have it gone by the time Baby D gets here.)
The day before Derrick's birthday Brandon and I were discussing how we thought the girls would react to not having bottles when it was nap time or bedtime. We were really worried about what they would be like. We've always relied on the bottles to coax the girls into their beds. As we talked about it we came up with a genius idea. We would give the girls "bedtime treats" instead of bottles.
I thought about doing something cool to signal the end of using bottles - like tying the bottles to balloons and watching them float away or something like that. (Personally I was so sick of washing out bottles I had fantasies of taking a blow torch to them all.) I ended up just washing them out and putting them on a shelf in the other room. Out of sight really meant out of mind and just having them off the counter helped the girls realize that bottles had gone "bye bye."
The first bedtime treat was three M&M's for each girl. Those were a hit from the beginning. The girls eagerly got into bed so they could have their treat. When the M&M's ran out we moved on to giving out three skittles. Those seemed to give the girls a little extra jolt of energy which isn't what you want happening at bedtime. So when those ran out we moved on to three goldfish crackers. That's what we currently use and they work just fine.
In the first few days after "bye bye bottles" the girls still asked for their bottles - especially since Derrick still got one. But they were just fine with me saying, "bottles went bye bye, remember? You get bed time treats now."
I was shocked by how easily they gave up bottles. Part of me thinks it could have happened earlier, but another part of me knows that the girls were finally emotionally mature enough to say "bye bye."
Giving Up Binkies
The girls gave up their binkies at the beginning of June when they were 2 years and 7 months old.
As far as I know Lydia was born with a binky in her mouth. The first time I saw her she was already sucking on a binky. During the girls' 18 days in the hospital their binkies acted as surrogate Mommy when I couldn't be around. And when they came home the binkies came too. As crazy as binkies drove me they saved my sanity on many occasions. I often (and truthfully) joked that I needed to be weened from binkies just as much as the girls did.
Before Derrick was born I had the girls to a point where they only used binkies at nap time, bedtime, and church. But then Derrick was born. He wasn't as addicted to his binky as much as the girls, but he still used it. The girls would steal his binky right out of his mouth and then fight over it. To keep the peace at home I just made sure everyone had a binky.
Derrick stopped needing a binky sometime while Brandon was at Basic Training. He'd still "take" a binky in the sense that he would take Charlotte or Lydia's binky when they weren't looking. But he had no idea what to do with it. He'd wave it around, chew on the wrong side, and look at it like, "what makes this thing so important?"
If Brandon had been home I would have taken away the girls' binkies at this point. But Brandon wasn't home. Binkies made my life easier. If I had three crying kids, and at least one of them would calm down with just a binkie, then it was worth it to keep binkies around.
However, a few months ago we reached a point where binkies weren't worth it anymore. The girls seemed to be always fighting over who got to suck on which binkie. I was also getting pretty sick of the nightly routine of desperately looking for binkies that had magically disappeared after a whole day in the girls' mouths.
I would have taken the binkies away at the end of April when the girls turned 2 and a half. But that was when Brandon was scheduled to be at JRTC for a month. There was no way on earth I wanted to go through a month without a husband or the binkies. So I started to tell the girls that when Daddy came home the "binky fairy" was going to come and take the binkies away and bring presents.
When Brandon came home I was still hesitant to take the binkies away. I wasn't sure the girls could sleep through the night without them, and I really didn't want to loose any sleep. But then one morning Charlotte woke up as Brandon got ready for work. He brought her into bed with me. She fell asleep right away and stayed asleep even though she didn't have her binky. Another morning I found her asleep on my floor and I noticed that she didn't have a binky with her.
That gave me an idea to make a chart for the girls. Every morning they woke up without their binkies they could put a sticker on the chart. And they could also put a sticker on every night before bed. When the chart was full we would all go to the zoo. (Which we were planning on doing anyway, but I figured we could make it into a reward.) We'd guarantee success with the chart by saying "bye bye" to binkies before we started filling it out.
Even with the chart idea I was still scared to take away the binkies. In the end Brandon forced my hand. Unbeknownst to me he started hiding any binky he found. I started getting really worried when I only knew where two binkies were. I told Brandon we HAD to take away binkies that night. So we went to the store and bought a little swimming pool, some markers, and stickers for the girls. We told them they could play with everything when they said "bye bye" to binkies.
When we got home from the store the girls wanted to go swimming right away. I told them they needed to say bye bye to binkies. I couldn't believe how fast Lydia spit her binky out and threw it on the ground. Charlotte took hers out right after Lydia did. I had them say, "bye bye binkies" so we could have some official closure. Then the girls ran off to find their swimming suits and I tossed the binkies into the crockpot on top to the fridge because I knew they would never think to look in there for them.
After we were done with the pool a few hours later the girls asked for their binkies again. "Sorry," I said, "Binkies went bye bye." There were some tears and Charlotte almost broke my resolve (and my heart) by asking for each of her binkies by name, "pupel binky? birdy binky? little guy binky? green binky? blue binky? yewwo binky? butterfly binky?" It's a good thing Brandon hid all the binkies from me because I could truthfully answer, "Sorry, they are all gone and I don't know where they are."
The girls didn't take naps that day so they fell asleep around six that night (a positive effect of taking away binkies). The next day was Sunday and it took them about 2 hours to even remember the binkies were gone. Unfortunately they remembered the binkies during the last 15 minutes of Sacrament Meeting. Not exactly the best time for an emotional toddler meltdown.
Sunday afternoon was a little rough, but nothing like I imagined. And after bedtime that night Brandon and I just locked ourselves in our room and watched funny internet videos while the girls held a silent protest outside our door.
By the next day the girls seemed almost over their binky addition. They still asked about them, but they already knew the answer. They continued to like putting stickers on the chart, but that novelty wore off by about the third day.
I find myself wondering, "would it have been that easy to get them to give up their binkies earlier?" Probably yes, but I don't know if I would have been ready to give them up earlier.
Potty Training
I'm not declaring absolute victory on this one yet. But things are going so well that I'm willing to say that the girls started wearing underwear on a consistent basis in the middle of June when they were 2 years and 7 months old.
This one scared me to death to even think about. I often said that the girls' were going to have to beg me to potty train them.
Then in January (which was kind of a big month for us if you can't tell) the girls had terrible diarrhea. I'll spare you the gross details, but lets just say there were some nights where I would have to wash the girls off in the tub in the middle of the night. This was all going on while Brandon was away at NTC and we didn't have any of our stuff. Once that was over I told myself that maybe there were worse things than potty training.
When our stuff showed up I unpacked the potty chair that my Aunt Cheryl had given me months before. The girls liked sitting on it, but didn't really care to do anything else with it. At the same time I also unpacked a big bag of pull ups that someone had given us. I let the girls try those out too. Some one had also given us a bunch of underwear, but I saved that for another day.
At the beginning of February Lindsey came up to help me out when I needed to have my IUD removed. Somehow the girls suddenly became interested in potty training. I think it was because they saw their cousin Rocklond using the toilet. So in addition to everything else Lindsey was doing for me Lindsey started potty training the girls. She set a timer for 10 minutes. Every time it went off all the kids would run into the bathroom. Rocklond would sit on the toilet and the girls would take turns with the potty. Then everyone got one goldfish cracker.
When Lindsey went home the girls liked to sit on the toilet "where Rocklond sit." For the next 5 months I gave them the option to sit on the toilet or the potty whenever I changed their diapers. If they could sit for 10 seconds and then wipe and flush they got a few goldfish crackers. Most of the time there weren't any bodily fluids involved. I figured that was okay because at least they were getting comfortable with the bathroom routine. Lydia eventually got to the point where she could climb onto the toilet without a step-stool, pee, and then wipe and flush without getting off. Charlotte would sit on the potty chair and "toot," but that was all she ever did.
Sometimes the girls would wear underwear and I'd keep track of them with a timer, but those times were few and far between. I didn't have the energy to do it for very long. Also Derrick was a major detriment to potty training. It's hard enough to talk one little girl through the whole sit, dump, wipe, flush routine - add a baby who just wants to play with the toilet water and things get really insane. I started giving Derrick crackers if he stayed out of the bathroom while the girls were in there. (Which actually seemed to motivate him to stay out of the bathroom) We also added "shut the toilet lid" and "shut the bathroom door" to the whole routine.
In May I bought the girls some pull ups to see if those would entice them to use the potty more. But I didn't notice any change. Pull ups cost too much to use without any results so we went back to diapers. I also switched the potty training treat to one Starburst candy. That had a better result of getting the girls interested in sitting on the potty, but they still only did it at diaper changing time.
I had no plans to start "hard core" potty training until July at the earliest. But last Tuesday I looked at our box of diapers and wondered if maybe just maybe we could make it to payday on Friday without buying new ones. Under normal circumstances we had about a day and a half of diapers. I decided to start offering the girls underwear at every diaper change. I felt like I could handle a bunch of leaks if it could save us some money. Also Derrick had recently learned how to climb up the stool to the bathroom sink so he wasn't so obsessed with the toilet anymore. It seemed like as good of a time as any to at least try to teach the girls about bladder control.
Lydia started out wearing underwear right away. I set the timer and kept track of her for a little bit, but I soon got distracted and honestly just kind of forgot she was in underwear. But she didn't forget. She would yell, "I sit a potty!" And run into the bathroom. Then she would pee in the potty, dump it, wipe, flush, and wash her hands. I'd give her a treat and she'd go back to playing. I don't remember exactly, but I know she had very few accidents.
I ended up abandoning the timer system and just started asking Lydia, "do you need to go potty?" every so often. Sometimes she would say yes and run into the bathroom. Other times she would say no and just wait until her own body told her to use the bathroom.
Charlotte wanted in on the fun (and the treats) so she asked for "udderwear" too. She liked all the different designs and characters on the underwear. She had a lot more accidents. But after every accident I'd ask her if she wanted to wear diapers again and she'd always ask for another pair of underwear. I was so proud of her for wanting to keep trying. And I was very very proud of her the first time she peed in the potty. That right there was a huge break through.
At night I put the girls in diapers, but the next day both girls were in underwear again. I was on the phone with my parents and Charlotte ran into the bathroom and used the potty without me reminding her. That's when I knew we were really on to something.
Lydia is still ahead of Charlotte in keeping track of herself. I think Charlotte wouldn't care so much about potty training if she didn't see Lydia getting treats every time she uses the potty. But both girls are doing awesome - especially when I think about where they were just a week ago . I honestly never thought it would be this easy to potty train. And best of all I didn't have to buy more diapers until payday.
I have to add that I am so glad the girls are potty training now. I spend A LOT of time in the bathroom with them these days. Some times I think I live there. I'm so glad I'm not trying to take care of a newborn on top of reminding them to flush and finding them new underwear.
And that's really what all of this has been about. When I found out I was going to have four kids under the age of three I panicked. But them I realized that at least I wasn't going to have four newborns. Instead I would have one newborn, one toddler, and two pre-schoolers. With these accomplishments I feel like I can honestly start thinking of Charlotte and Lydia as pre-schoolers.
