A bead of hope

I haven't felt like a good mom, lately.  Instead, I've felt like a pregnant, exhausted, overrun, and completely drained mom.

I've just been going through the motions of daily life.  Feed the kids, do the laundry, change a million diapers, let the kids spend some time outside, watch Toy Story 3 AGAIN, pray for bedtime, try to spend some time with Brandon, sleep for a few hours, and repeat.

I've been hoping that the last trimester of this pregnancy can go by quickly, while at the same time wondering how on earth I can preserve my sanity while taking care of 4 kids under the age of three.

And then the kids and I found some things at the park that made me believe in my abilities as a mother again.

It started out as a normal trip to the park.  Then Charlotte found a sparkly purple bead laying in the bark chips.  At first I was worried that the little bead would start a huge fight between the girls.  But a few seconds later Lydia found a sparkly pink bead.

"That was lucky," I thought, "now they can each have a bead."

A little bit later we even found a yellowish-greenish bead "for Dewick" and a orange bead "for Mama."

There were only four beads on the whole playground.  That seemed like a pretty amazing coincidence so I decided to keep the beads safe.  I put three of them in my pocket so they could make it home without getting lost.  Charlotte had a pocket on her skirt so she kept hers in there.

When we got home I turned on Toy Story 3 and pulled out some yarn.  The movie kept Derrick occupied while the girls helped me braid four necklaces -one for each of our beads.

We had fun making the necklaces.  When they were done the girls were so excited.  All day long they would proudly point to their beads.  Derrick didn't notice his necklace, but he kept it on all day.  

It touched my heart that something so simple could make them so happy.  I realized that my kids don't care if I'm too tired to do AMAZING things with them each day.  They are happy that I am here.  That I pay attention to them.  And that occasionally I can make them something special.

When Brandon came home the girls showed him their beads.  Then they wanted him to have a bead too.  I knew where another bead was because, months ago I'd randomly found some black beads on the floor.  I'd put them on my dresser to keep Derrick from eating them.  I hurried and found one of those beads and made Brandon a necklace.  He willingly joined our little bead club.

We are all still wearing our beads today (except Brandon who is at work.)  Somehow these five small beads make me feel like I can do this whole parenthood thing.  

If a necklace of braided yarn with one small bead can make my child happy, then maybe my small efforts will count for something too.