Church and Toddlers

One thing I've learned with having lots of little kids is that you have to learn to pick your battles and redefine your successes.  This is even more true when Brandon is gone.

Today I took the kids to church by myself.  And it went just fine.  We didn't even have to sit with another family.  And really it went just fine.

Of course someone else might think it wasn't fine.  After all:

• We were 8 minutes late.
• The kids were all barefoot. 
• The kids decided that they each wanted to play with our squeaky wheeled trucks during the sacrament.  
• Charlotte discovered that she can fit in the space between the wall and the bench.  

But hey, those things are minor.  I was celebrating the major victories, like:

• Even though the kids slept in we still made it to church. (They only sleep in on Sunday and it's so not fair because our church starts at 8:30.)  
• Charlotte was wearing a dress.  She'd spent most of our time at home refusing to get dressed or even have her diaper changed.  I was so happy when I finally talked her into wearing the frilliest dress she owns.   
• All the kids were happy during the meeting (until the closing song when Derrick bonked something.)
• They spent all the time in the chapel and didn't have to be taken out at all.
• I got to hear most of the talks. 
• The meeting ended 10 minutes early.  Which totally makes up for the past few weeks that it's been ending 5 minutes late.  (BTW when a meeting goes over I don't bother shushing my kids if they cry.  I'm like, "hey high councilman speaker guy.  This is the alarm telling you that your talk is too long." and "bishopbric member please cancel the closing song." and "closing prayer person, you better say a short prayer because my kid wants to go to nursery NOW")

Anyway, as my kids happily, and very noisily, drove their squeaky-wheeled trucks all over the bench during the passing of the sacrament I thought about how people can sometimes can get discouraged by the fact that their family doesn't act the way a "perfect" family should.   

And it doesn't help when it feels like there are people in the congregation who are judging you and your family.  (And it really doesn't help when you know there are people who are judging you - trust me.)

I've talked about this before.  But I think it's important to bring it up again.  I want you to know that its important to go to church no matter what.  Back when the girls were first born our wise Branch President told Brandon, "Don't let those kids become a reason for going inactive."   So come to church even if you think your kids are little devils and that everyone else would prefer them to stay home.  Because church isn't for perfect people and perfect families, it's for imperfect people and imperfect families.

And don't think I'm perfect with this whole church thing.  In fact, for a few months there I didn't like going to church very much.  It's not that I didn't like church.  It's that church didn't feel very churchy for me.  It was more like solitary confinement - with little kids.

For what felt like the longest time Derrick only wanted to be with me.  So during sacrament meeting I'd be fielding his needs while trying to help Brandon decipher whatever it was that Charlotte and Lydia needed too.  I wasn't able to actually listen to any talks or feel the spirit.  

Then we'd go to class.  The girls would skip off to nursery.  Brandon, Derrick, and I would go to teach our primary class.  But Derrick was at that awkward age where he didn't want to just hang out in a class.  He wanted to wander the halls.  And since he didn't want anything to do with Brandon, I was the one who got to wander the halls with him.

I'd occasionally get to sneak in some conversation with random people in the hall, but that was pretty limited.  It'd be like, "Hi how are you? Oh got to go, my baby is running around the corner."  I always felt like yelling, "I used to teach gospel doctrine and now I'm stuck out in the hall."  (There really should be some sort of spiritual support group for moms of hallway wandering pre-nursery aged kids.)

For a while there Derrick needed to fall asleep during the last hour of church.  I actually looked forward to this because I could listen in on the sacrament meeting for the singles branch through the speakers in the mothers room.  This little time alone in the mother's room was my one chance at getting spiritually fed at church.  Several times the speakers said things that I needed to hear.  So next time you think you aren't reaching anyone in your audience imagine that there is a spiritually-exhausted mom listening in the Mother's room.   I started feeling like more of a member of that branch than of my own ward.  One week I caught myself almost raising my hand to sustain a member to a new calling

This went on for several months.  Until finally Derrick decided he could handle being away from me.  That meant he could start to go to nursery with Charlotte and Lydia because our ward let us start sending Derrick to nursery at 15 months which was heaven-sent.  I could help teach my class again. I felt like a contributing member of the ward.  (And then I got released from the primary and I can actually interact with adults again.  I didn't expect this change, but I am oh so happy for it!)

Looking back it's tempting to think, "well that wasn't so bad.  It only lasted a few months."  But while it was happening I had no idea how long it would last.  I imagined myself wandering the hallway endlessly.

But even on the most boring and isolated Sunday's I still was glad I went to church.  I was glad I was showing my kids the importance of church.  I was glad that Brandon and I were establishing a habit.

And the habit paid off today.  Because as we walked into church 8 minutes late the girls went straight to our bench - which was thankfully empty.  They sat down, pulled out the hymn book, and started singing along to the song.  And I knew that no matter how crazy church with toddlers can sometimes be, on some level they know that this is important.  And that's the biggest victory of all.