A lighthearted post about the kids

Hi there this post will get happier in a second.  But first I feel like sharing some dark stuff.  I'm kind of going through a hard time emotionally right now.  Like I said before, I'm not super jazzed about this whole having another kid so soon thing.  Despite what you may think about me being "Super Mom" I'm really feeling spread a little thin right now with the three kids that I do have.  I really can't imagine having another.  

What's bugging me right now is that I have HOURS of time, and yet I really have nothing to show for it at the end of the day. I spend a lot of time sitting on the couch holding which ever kid needs to be held. Derrick is at an almost impossible age for trying to get anything done while he is awake.  I try to get some cleaning done while the kids are all awake, but whatever I do accomplish usually ends up getting undone within a few minutes/hours. When the kids do all go down for a nap at the same time all I want to do is sit and have a moment to myself.  Then Brandon comes home and starts cleaning and I'm embarrassed that he can do so much in only a few minutes.  

What I really need is a hobby, or something else to occupy my mind, but I honestly feel like I don't deserve one.  I feel like if I can't use my time wisely during the day then why should I get "me" time later.  Brandon has things he needs to get done in the evening too.  I can't just leave him alone with the kids.  

And then there are my feelings about Baby D.  (Warning: If you are struggling with infertility you may want to skip this part.) When Brandon was at basic I wrote him about how great I felt because for the first time in a long time I wasn't pregnant or nursing.  My hormones were back to normal and I was so happy to feel like myself again.  I was looking forward to the next several years of "freedom."  And yet here I am.  Pregnant again.  I feel like all my plans (not that I really had any) have been delayed by another year or two.  And I feel bad because I love this baby, and I will keep this baby, but I don't really want this baby.  Was it only 3 years ago that I wished with all my heart for a chance to have a baby?

So there are my issues for you all.  I'll get them worked out - I always do.  But in the meantime I just wanted to talk about them for a minute.  

On to the lighthearted stuff.  

I love my hair, but it's making it look great every day is not really a priority.  This picture was taken on a rare day when it actually looked good.  (It was taken at the end of the day after bedtime - I was a little frazzled by this point.  Next time I should take one at the beginning of the day.) 

 This is a picture of Charlotte showing off a trend that Lydia created.  They always want me to wrap twisty ties around their fingers like rings.

Here are Charlotte and Lydia putting their babies to bed.  Complete with reading them scriptures and singing hymns. 

I made "box and strings" for the kids a few weeks ago.  They loved them.  They decided one was a truck and one was a car.  I asked them where they were going and they said, "nursery."

 All three kids playing the piano.

 Derrick in the "truck."  He likes chasing the girls into the boxes, but as you can see, he doesn't like getting in them himself.

 A much happier picture of Derrick - though he still has tears in his eyes.

 Playing in the "car."  They always make sure they put their seat belts on.  And they always say, "alrightly" which I've realized I always say before I start the car.

Charlotte likes to raid the refrigerator and get food out.  Here is is putting strawberries at everyone's spot at the table.  

These are my climbers.

This was the first time I found both girls in Charlotte's bed.  I worried that Lydia would roll out during the night, but she didn't.  

 The other day Charlotte stayed up while Lydia took a nap.  Charlotte hosted a birthday party for herself.  I was a terrible house guest and kept asking if I could just take a nap.  But it was cute.

 When we took the kids out for ice cream last week we played on the outdoor playground.  It was so much fun.  The playground was built for adults too so we were able to climb up the equipment with the kids.

 On Saturday we went to our Stake's Emergency Preparedness Fair.  Brandon actually had a booth there because I made friends with the Stake RS Presidency and sent one of them a link to the post about the fair Brandon and I did 3 year ago.  (Before the kids took up all our time.) One thing lead to another and Brandon was asked to do a booth about using camping gear as emergency preparedness supplies.  

  They had a face painting there.  Lydia got a Lady Bug.

 Charlotte got a blue fishy.  Her favorite color is blue. She was a lot happier about it than she looks in this picture.

 They also had balloon animals.  Each girl got one of these cute lady bug wrist bracelets.

 There was a fire truck, a SWAT verhicle, and a police car outside.  Here are Derrick and I in the SWAT vehicle.

 The kids were getting a little unrulely, but there was only about an hour left to the fair. It really wasn't worth it to just take them home because I would have to come back for Brandon and all the gear soon.  So we put them in the tent and let them play around.  That took up a lot of time.

 Charlotte picked out this dress herself.  I guess she figured she should wear a dress since we were going to a church.

 The kids all fell asleep in the car on the way home from the fair.  So we decided to just go on a drive.  We ended up about an hour away at a park in a town called Marble Falls.  We couldn't find any falls so we just played on the equipment.

 The girls had lots of fun.

 There were about 3 different play areas and we spent a lot of time at each one.

 Here are the girls going down a really big slide with their Daddy.  They did this a whole bunch.

 And here are my future rock climbers.  Lydia got up here all by herself (with a little coaching from us).

 Derrick was a pill most of the weekend.  He and I were not getting along very well.  On Friday night he was driving Brandon and me crazy!  Once we left the house to get ice cream he calmed right down.  After ice cream we went grocery shopping.  I actually had people stopping me to comment on how cute and happy Derrick seemed.  He was the same way at the Fair.  One day when he is famous his biography will read, "Derrick's parents soon learned that in order to keep their baby happy they had to make sure he was around people at least once a day."

We had a nice moment together on the swings.  Brandon pushed the girls in the baby swings and I held Derrick on my lap.  He babbled and cooed as we swung back and forth.

 Here are all the kids on a tire swing.  When the girls got on here they said, "Asher" because they remembered being on a swing like this with their cousin Asher last July.

 Charlotte keeps asking me to set up the "Cwismas Lights."  She can't understand why the Christmas tree isn't set up.  We took it down at the same time we packed everything else up so it makes sense that we should get it out as part of unpacking.  I told her that it isn't Christmas time right now.  It's Easter time.  So we made an "Easter tree" on top of the piano.  The one with the flowers is just dried wood with artificial flowers placed on it.  The others are live branches that that kids and I cut from trees when we went on a walk.  Charlotte is very happy about the "Ouster Tree."

So that's all the lighthearted stuff.  Looking at these pictures and writing about them makes me feel like maybe I do have something to show for all the time that I spend at home.  I guess I feel good enough to go get the kids up and start the day.